Crop Circles/Conspiracy Theory

Its been too long since my last confession via blog. But this one has weighed me down to the point that I can barely look in the mirror each morning without questioning the type of man I am becoming. Honestly, pubic hair is about as cool as VCR's and herpies at this point. And if women have the same rights that we have, than we should have the same rights as them: have it be socially acceptable to shave ones pubic hair. However, my girlfriends stereotypical stance on our relationship: she wears the pants and I wear the pubes, has made me question this very relationship. Being unfortunatly endowed from day one that a below average member, my mane of pubic hair can at times made urination exceedingly difficult. Hair is constantly getting caught in my zipper, boyfriend on the sides teeth, and getting into food when I do my share around the kitchen. I proposed the idea to the GF about borrowing Adam's beard trimmer and taking my man-bush down to a respectable 1"-1 1/2", but she refused.
I decided to take things into my own hands. My first thought was to fight fire with fire, literally. But after that same experiment with a controlled burn in high school and two failed re-circumcision, I just dont have the length to lose that I once did. It started to feel like I would be cursed with a miniture Big Foot dick forever.
I awoke out of a deep slumber in a cold sweat. THe TV flickered on to a Discovery Channel Program on Aliens and Crop Cirlces, I HAD MY ANSWER!!!
125mg of adderall later, Adam's buzzer, Kyle's Mach 3 turbo, Kristen's mirrors, and Brian's steady hand, my masterpiece/soltuion had been reached! IN haste I disposed of the "murder weapon", 3lbs of hair, and drugged Brian. I returned to the couch and awaited the tender rays of sunlight that were poking through the Boston skyline.
As I made my way down to Cleveland Circle to bring my GF a little breakfast in bed (I stole 4 eggs from Gregs fridge, half a box of cheerios, and 8 Natty Ices) I knew I had to play it cool. After our pre-sex meal, I was ready for the big dance...As I unrobed and prepared for 45 seconds of euphoria, I was sent limp by a whorrish shreak. In disbelief of my geormetric pube circles from a grade A manscaper, the GF fainted. After a brief 45seconds, I began resesitating her and put on the water works. WE laid their frightened, not knowing when the aliens would strike again.
Unable to admit to my own manscaping, I may or may not have driven the little lady crazy as she has been watching the X-Files for a solid 5 days now, trying to bone up on her ET knowledge. I know it sounds harsh, but if I have the be the MLKjr, the martyr of male pubic hair, than nail me to cross and shave me bare!!

Swinging in the breeze,
Gotty