This memo was dictated by Chris
NOTE TO READER: GOTTY DID NOT TYPE THIS PASSAGE, IT WAS SENT VIA MESSAGE IN A PLASTIC BOOTIE LIGHT BAR BOTTLE LEFT IN THE BATH TUB AND RECOVERED BY ADAM. THE MESSAGE WAS WRITEN ON GREG'S INVESTMENTS SYLABUS IN CRAYON.
To whom it may concern:
The hours have turned into days and the days into weeks. I cannot remember the last time I have felt the air push past my cheeks or the sun beat on my translucent skin. I have been in a state on constant intoxication and inebriation since BC's loss to Wisconson in the Frozen Four finale. Not that I am depressed by any means, but in that I discoverd the 8th wonder of the world: Booty Lite. Its beer. Its better than sex. Its my new love. Since our trouncing by the gophers (sounds like my homo erotic exploits with hamsters) I have stumbled upon Kyle's stash of this barley and hops deligth as well as the location of Adam's liquor cabinet. My drinking hobby aside, the most important issue that I now face is my re-entry to society. I feel like I have a new lease on life. No longer will my life be consumed by peculiar sexual exploits, free beer, and binge eating, I now long for cardio vascular exercise, the feel of a snug fanny pack around my mid section as I sweat, and the gaze of onlookers as I miander by. From now on, when I see something broken--I'll fix it, if its textured--I'll feel it, and if I'm in love--I'll say it!
With the sun in my face and the wind at my back,
Gott-ace
POST SCRIPT TO READER: WITHIN 8 HOURS OF FINDING THIS NOTE, GOTTY RETRACTED THE STATEMENT IN ITS ENTIRETY AND PROCEDED TO DRINK THE BOTTLE OF GIMBLES DRY GIN THAT HAD GONE UNTOUCHED SINCE SUPER BOWL SUNDAY.
To whom it may concern:
The hours have turned into days and the days into weeks. I cannot remember the last time I have felt the air push past my cheeks or the sun beat on my translucent skin. I have been in a state on constant intoxication and inebriation since BC's loss to Wisconson in the Frozen Four finale. Not that I am depressed by any means, but in that I discoverd the 8th wonder of the world: Booty Lite. Its beer. Its better than sex. Its my new love. Since our trouncing by the gophers (sounds like my homo erotic exploits with hamsters) I have stumbled upon Kyle's stash of this barley and hops deligth as well as the location of Adam's liquor cabinet. My drinking hobby aside, the most important issue that I now face is my re-entry to society. I feel like I have a new lease on life. No longer will my life be consumed by peculiar sexual exploits, free beer, and binge eating, I now long for cardio vascular exercise, the feel of a snug fanny pack around my mid section as I sweat, and the gaze of onlookers as I miander by. From now on, when I see something broken--I'll fix it, if its textured--I'll feel it, and if I'm in love--I'll say it!
With the sun in my face and the wind at my back,
Gott-ace
POST SCRIPT TO READER: WITHIN 8 HOURS OF FINDING THIS NOTE, GOTTY RETRACTED THE STATEMENT IN ITS ENTIRETY AND PROCEDED TO DRINK THE BOTTLE OF GIMBLES DRY GIN THAT HAD GONE UNTOUCHED SINCE SUPER BOWL SUNDAY.
posted by Gotty's Life at 6:50 PM
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