Gotty's New Gadget

Sorry for the recent lull in my blogging, finals really have taken their toll on yours truely. I promise more to come over the upcoming Christmas (or Haunakah as Jesse would call it) break during which I plan to do no more than blog, eat, drink and ejaculate. Speaking of ejaculating, I will no longer be doing that all over Michaels keyboard because my Pops picked me up a new Compaq porn machine. Gone are the days when I tell Michael I need to use his computer to type a "paper" and bring it back with 4 new viruses and sticky keys. I am now able to satisfy myself at my own lesuire (which happens to be quite often). Additionally, no longer do I have to suffer through Michaels new-age porn consisting of strange fetishes like double-donkey penetration and goat sex... I am now free to stroke the salami to a good ol' American lesbian party!


Beyond the increased masturbation rate, I am also able to refine my "e-pimping" skills. Since Pops got me this I have met 4 new girls from an online dating site, one of them being an ex-stripper named Shamiqua. I first was intrigued by her picture, then more turned on when I noticed one of her intrests was "BBQ Bukakke." Knowing that I have more game than the Parker Bros., I hit her up on AIM. Here is my saved convo from last night... watch Gotties work this girl:


JustThatGotties: Hey ;) I am Gotties, King of the Cunnilingus, how may I assist you?
SexyShamiqua: hehe! I like the sound of that! You can probably help me out... a/s/l?
JustThatGotties: 21/Well-endowed Male/Brighton... u?
SexyShamiqua: 37/ex-stripper Female/Brookline
JustThatGotties: Brookline?? By the looks of your profile I woulda guessed you're from Heaven!
SexyShamiqua: :) hehe... so, just how well endowed are we talking?
JustThatGotties: Well, I dont mean to toot my own horn... So I'll just say I'm like a baby's arm holding an apple
SexyShamiqua: mmmm... sounds tasty ;)
JustThatGotties: wanna find out?
SexyShamiqua: yea, come over my place and we'll see who tastes better!
JustThatGotties: what about you cum over here... despite being 21 years old, i still don't have my lisence :(
SexyShamiqua: awww... okay, how do I get there?
JustThatGotties: I live in Edmonds Hall at BC...
SexyShamiqua: do you know Survival?
JustThatGotties: yea, he's my neighbor
SexyShamiqua: i know where you are then, i'll be right over!

Like I said, e-pimp... Bump, Set, SPIKE!! And that I did, I "spiked" Shamiqua all night and twice in the morning. After her initial frustration that I was more the size of a baby's pinky finger, I coerced her with my cunnilingual abilities. Eventually she gave up to the temptaion and shoved my 3 1/2 inches of fury into her slip-n-slide like hole. 1, 2, 3, 4 pumps and I couldn't go any longer... BOOM! I finished. Yes, I admit it, I am a selfish lover. But after the uneventful loving and crying are over I make up for it with my snuggling abilities. So, the mid-afternoon arrived and she finally found her way out the door only to awkwardly bump into her sister, Meg, who was coincidentally leaving Marco's room. They departed, both with gleeful smiles and punished vaginas hoping to return to Edmonds sometime in the near future.


Until next time,
Gotties

Swords

Greetings!

In what appears to be my final year at Boston College, I have found myself overwhelmed with a strong sense of nostalgia. Perhaps from the dwindling moments I have to live off my roommates or the fact that I have just emerged from a saturated fat/sex induced coma, but I find myself on a daily basis trying to relive the good ol' days.

No, I am not talking about my days of lore at 'Da 'Field' (how I believe a colored man would refer to Deerfield Academy), but more so the days of my youth, potty training in particular. How I long to revert to the days of sprinting to the toilet, tossing in a tinkle target, and unleashing the beast. For those of you that are unfamilar with tinkle targets and/or are peasants, a tickle target is a small, 2" paper square with a bullseye on it. The concept is, that by adding a floating target to the peeing experience, one hones their craft through focus and accuracy.

Being one of four brothers, that challenge of a duel was a daily occurance--penises at noon. It was my parents master bathroom where the water works would insue. 3 paces, turn, and be the first to hit the target. Boys being boys, there was naturally much debate over the actually winner.

During one such occasion, Bill, my older and much wiser brother, failed to prove his argument through diction and felt it appropriate to micturate on my Pumps. Out of pee, 6 inches shorter (in height, not length--you dog!) my only option was to save face and flush. I had a plan.

The next 4 days were spent in solitude in the back yard with a garden hose. Experimenting with different flows, different angles, and different positions, I was prepared to regain my honor.

A quart of cranberry juice and a glove slap later, Bill and I, were once again, in the bathroom, weapons drawn and target in place. "Why wouldnt I want the last shot...when I know I've already made it..." Phase 1--The Fenway Freeze. Bill turned and fired an angry stream that splatter painted the back of the tank, while I managed a calcualted dribble on my fluffy sausage fingers. Phase 2--Eye of the Tiger. Bill, supremely confident in my inability to produce a stream, worthy enough for the porcline gods, taunted the target with a circular stream, teasing me. I slowly placed my index finger over the top of my urethra, leaving only the top eigth open. The flood gates opened, the stream of Gotty Pee shot straight across the bowl and into the unsuspecting eyes of my older counterpart. Rearing back in anger and urine, I jumped back in fear and amazement of my accuracy. With only a faint pee-rainbow seperating the two combatents, I shot what was left, annialating the target as Bill's fist followed suit to my face.

Clear eyes, full hearts-->CANT MISS!

Chris 'He just dat Canadien' Gotty