New Roommates

In this period of post collegiant life (James pretends like he graduated, so can I), I have found the best mediun for moving forward is reflecting on the past. Through this online memoir, I have been able to devulge my sexual latitudes, testicular fortitudes, and pictures of myself in the nudes. Nice rhyme. It was through these reflections that I have begun to become more critical, not of myself so much, but of others. I could write even more pages on my core roommates, but even the tapeworm shows appreciation for its host and so shall I. But for my new roommates, brought on through the inefficiencies of BC Housing, here's my unbiased reflection, alphabetically:

Marco Alfieri: Italian. Nuff said.

Pat McManus: Enjoys curry to an unhealthy extent. Not Italian.

John McNamara: Claims to have an unhumanly large member. My eyes thirst to view it.

Nigro: I'm not sure if he has a first name, hopefully not. If he does have one, I assume it is self imposed, single sylabic or ending in 'O' (ex: Butch, Duke, Chongo, Mongo, Buzz, Roid) I just thank Christ that Kyle wasnt exposed to him for more than 2 semesters.

Nick Mulrooney: Canadian. Maybe Jewish?

Eric Speed: I've never been found on the English, but this Saucy Brit changed me. The way he utterly disrespected the Italians, made love to only women of the crown, and kept a copy of Oliver Twist next to his bedside impressed me. It takes a lot to impress me.

~The Gotty