MySpace isn't American.

Preface: Don't tell Rochelle.

Preface II: Don't tell Michelle (the barista at DD who I'm banging--unless you speak Spanish fluently, ie not Adam, this shouldnt be an issue)

Preface III: I'm looking to maintain this erection throughout this entire entry, I expect the same courtesy as you read.

First off, I'm retarded. Not like physically, nor mentally, but in my relationship status foresight that I demonstrated during my final year of college (again, we're still pretending I graduated). One vagina the entire year, real smart. Not that I'm complaining, but c'mon, who doesnt get the urge to spread their wild oats (I mean spread on someone, not someones possessions--sorry Michael).

What I'm getting at is that I had an urge to get my Gotty on! [If you steal this catch phrase, I'll slit your throat and play in your blood--I know that's stolen too, but I feel it gets across the severity of my empty threat] eHarmony was sallow field that I was going to tend to. By creating a profile with a variety of false information that I was capable of faking, I could in essense, create the perfect counterpart that I was hoping to obtain. However, eHarmony questioned my morals in the preliminary screeening, I overreacted and got the boot. Don't worry, I wrote a letter expressing my contempt. Craigslist's erotic services helped to ebb the humiliation of eJection (electronic reJection), but my bank account suffered worse than a mute with an ear infection stuck in an elevator with Speed enroute to private showing of the prequil of The Departed.

Facebook exhausted, MySpace became the answer. Taking a temporary leave of absense from VTs, I was able to create the most nonthreatening and irresistable page. Without getting into the ins and outs, flaws, and oversights on my part, I was reported 4 times by three young women with the collective age less than 60, I was permanitly revoked from the server. My lawyers told me that none of my text should be reproduced, but heres my picture--how can you stay mad at this face?

Getting my Gotty on,

Gotty