Who would have thought?

Despite the facade of being a sex god that I have put forth through my blog, its time to be honest--Zues is struggling in the lightning department. Just because I'm performing worse than Will Mo Pena at slow pitch softball, doesnt mean I'm still not 'King of the Court' [see entry from Winter of 06], it's simply my inability to maintain an erection during vaginal intercourse. Now, don't start jumping to conclusions, I get boners, frequently, its just that I cannot maintain the blood flow for longer than 45 seconds to a minute. I tried to ignore the problem by faking orgasms using the Mr. Vice President's patented method, but was quickly outed. After visiting the GFs gyno (VinnyTs doesnt offer health insurance coverage...) I realized that I was destined to a sexless marriage.

The lack of sex completely altered my sleep patterns. Instead of being able to roll off and fall asleep in a quagmire of bodily fluids, I instead would lie awake flacid and sleepless. It was during one of these insomniatic transes that I began thinking about Michael (yeah, things got bad). Having my black belt in Hiaku, I began writing syllabic poetry on the bedside wall, when I had an epiphany: Michael makes me hard!

Now don't start thinking I'm some sort of sodimite homo fag or anything (not that I'm judging; check my iPod, I celebrate both Queen and the Village People on most of my playlists), but it was his constant pressance in the bedroom that got me going. That sense of fear, the thrill of being caught, the knowing of being watched, FUCK IM HARD JUST WRITING THIS!

Long of the short of it, I went down to Kinkos and had a lifesized picture of my Michael made. I'll end this post with one of my asian poems:

Fuzzy little beard,

Watch me penetrate you do,

Michael I miss you.

~Gotty

Just imagine that staring at you all night!